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home > young persons' service > bullying

What can you do if you are being bullied?

You can teach yourself some basic assertiveness skills to help you feel better about yourself. It can also teach you different ways of responding to difficult or upsetting situation.

Try some of these techniques

Making requests

· Be clear about what you want

· Plan and practise

· Make your request short and precise

· Decide what you want to say and stick to it.

Saying no

· When you say no say it firmly.

· Listen to your body and how you are feeling, what do you really want to say and what do you really want to do?

· Try not to get caught up in arguments, don’t become angry or upset if you don’t get your own way.

· If you don’t want to do something don’t give in to pressure.

· If you are not sure about something say ‘I don’t know, I need more time’ or ‘more information’.

· Don’t make excuses, keep your body assertive and look the person in the eye.

· Offer an alternative suggestion ‘No I don’t want to play football, let’s go for a walk instead’.

· When we say no to someone we are only rejecting the request, we are not refusing the person.

Dealing with taunts and insults

· Try fogging. Fogging swallows up insults like a great fog. When other people make hurtful remarks we don’t have to argue or become upset we can turn ourselves into fog and swallow up what they say.

· Reply to taunts with something short and bland. If it’s true then respond ‘thats right’ if its not true then respond ‘its possible’ or ‘you might be right’.

Dealing with anger

· Learn to recognise the signs that you are about to explode. Work out what you are going to do next time you feel that you are losing your temper.

· Get away from the situation or person that is making you angry. This is the best way of keeping yourself and others from getting hurt.

· Take several deep breaths and count to ten.

· Practise simple relaxation techniques. Tense every muscle in your body then learn how to relax each individual muscle starting with your toes.

You may be pretending a lot at first and acting in a way you don’t really feel but eventually the pretending will stop and you will be more assertive than you ever thought possible.

Increasing your self esteem and self-confidence

If you have been bullied for a long time you might start to believe what the bully says about you. This might make you feel less confident about yourself and forget what a good person you really are.

To help you start feeling better about yourself try doing some of these mental exercises to build up your self-confidence.

· Make a list of all the good things you can think of. Don’t say you haven't got any, everyone has things they do well. The next time you feel down think about all the good things there are about you on your list. If anyone says nice things about you then write these down too.

· Learn to talk about yourself in a positive way. Instead of saying “I am hopeless at maths” say, “maths is rubbish but at least I can work my calculator.” Instead of saying “I am so ugly” say, “I may not look like Kate Moss but at least I’ve got a good sense of humour”.

· Develop a particular interest or skill you may have. Find out if there is a course, club or society you can join.

· Get a Saturday job. Doing something different, meeting new people and earning your own money can make you feel better about yourself.

· Do some voluntary work. Again you will meet new people and be doing some good at the same time.

· Join a youth club or other organisation. If you have interests outside school and meet new people you may realise how much you have to offer.

· Go to self-defence classes. This will increase your confidence and make you feel less like a victim.

· Remember it takes time. Once the bullying stops you may not feel better immediately. It will probably take time to get over bullying but you will feel better eventually. Many adults who were bullied as a kid have said they think bullying has made them feel stronger inside, they became determined to do well to prove how wrong the bullies were.